Mascot Madness
by Zouri
Summary: My spoof parody of the Breakfast Club. Very funny. Please Read and Review.


A/n: I don't own any of the cereal mascots in this. Try and sue me now. (No, please don't sue, I don't have anything of value.)  
Mascot Madness  
  
A rabbit on its two legs is running as fast as he can down the dark streets. In his hands, he holds a bowl of cereal, in which the rabbit takes great care not to drop. Behind him are what seem to be millions of kids chasing him, running with torches, baseball bats, anything they can find. The rabbit runs into an alleyway, but soon finds that he has run into a dead end. He turns and tries to get out, but soon sees that the kids have surrounded him. He looks up and sees that the wall is to high for him to jump and slowly is backed into the wall by the ever approaching kids.  
  
"I've been waiting thirty long years for this moment and I finally got me a damn bowl of Trix. You will never take this from me. NEVER" he screams. One of the kids steps forward and says "Listen rabbit, we don't want to hurt you. We just want our Trix back. It's part of our delicious and nutritious breakfast after all." "Yeah. Then why do you need cereal now, its night time" the rabbit shouts at him. The kid frowns saying, "All right that's it, now you're just being a wise-ass. Get him." The kids start to charge at him, but stopped when he started screaming. "NEVER. THERE MINE NOW, WE WILL NEVER BE PARTED AGAIN". The rabbit scooped up a handful of cereal from the bowl, and threw it as hard as he could at the kids. "Look Out" one of the kids screamed as they all jumped for cover. The kid negotiating with the rabbit, however, was not as lucky. The Trix hit him straight in his eyes, and he fell to the floor in anguish, screaming "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA. The rainbow, it BBBBBUUUUUURRRRRRRRNNNNNNNSSSSSS." "Stop him" another kid screamed, and they all dog piled on the rabbit.  
  
When he had come too, he found himself in a room that had many different characters like him inside. Sitting in different stools were a leprechaun, a toucan, a parrot, a tiger, three elves, and a chicken. Sitting in another stool was a woman, who smiled when she saw he had come to. "Welcome" she said. "Where am I" asked the half-conscious rabbit. "You're in mascot rehab, where all characters come when they have "problems." "I don't have any problems lady, I'm outta here" was the rabbits reply. "Oh really" she said slyly. She snapped her fingers and the rabbit turned to see that there was Trix two-color yogurt on a table. "TRIX" he screamed as he jumped towards the table. He grabbed the yogurt and tried to make a run for it. However, he was instantly electrocuted when he tried to yank it away. He fell to the floor, smoking after being shocked, twitching every once in a while. "See, if you really didn't have a problem, you would have noticed that the yogurt had electric wires attached that would shock if you tried to take it" she said. The rabbit started to mumble inaudible curses at her.  
  
The rabbit, who was now trying to avoid further embarrassment, was now sitting in a stool with every one else. They were all seated in a circle, waiting to begin. "Well" the woman said "My name is Claire, and I'm here to help you. So if you would, please introduce yourselves".  
  
"I'm Lucky the Leprechaun" said the little man in green. "And what seems to be the problem Mr. Leprechaun" asked Claire. "Well, no matter where I go, these kids keep following me, trying to take my Lucky Charms. There mine, I made them for me and me only. But those kids, they just keep coming. And one day, they just pushed me too far. They had me trapped in my own house and one of the bigger ones broke in. He started to beat me up and try to take my cereal, until I saw a horseshoe on the floor. I threw it at him but I didn't think I would kill him, and, and,..." Lucky breaks down and begins to sob uncontrollably. "Why did they have to make me do it, WHY". Claire and the rest of them just stared at him.  
  
Claire decided to talk to him about what may have caused the problem. "Lucky, it says here you suffer from mood swings. Is that true." "Shut up ya wench" Lucky shouted, now looking like a psychopath, "Or I'll kick all of your asses". Lucky pulled out two Uzi's and started shooting into the air. As he did this he shouted "HEARTS, STARS, HORSE-SHOES, CLOVERS, AND BALLOONS. I'LL KILL ALL OF YOUR ASSES, IF YOU DON'T LET ME OUT OF THIS ROOM." Claire shouted for security, and instantly two people were upon him. Lucky had his Uzi's taken from him and he sat in the stool, crying.  
  
"Well then" Claire said "Your next". "FRUIT" the toucan, shouted. "Your Toucan Sam, aren't you." "FRUIT" the bird shouted. "I'll take that as a yes. So, what is your problem Mr. Sam." "FRUIT. GIVE ME FRUIT." "OOOOOOKKKKKKK" she said, "I see your problem. Your next Mr........... Sunny, right?" Sunny the parrot, looking quite dignified, simply stated "Correct." "And how can I help you Sunny" Claire asked. "Well, as you may know, I am the spokesperson of COCAINE Puffs". "What was that" she asked. "That, oh uh, that was nothCOCAINE PUFFS." "Sunny, there is no cocaine in Cocoa Puffs." "Oh, I agree completelWHERE ARE MY COCAINE PUFFS, DAMN IT. I'M COCOO FOR COCAINE PUFFS." Claire sighed and looked to the next stool.  
  
"You are fairly new here, what's your name?" "I'm the Trix rabbit and all I wanted was a bowl of Trix, but nnnnnnoooooooo. They were all so damn selfish, 'Sorry rabbit, but Trix are for kids' they would say. But I'm the one who has their face on the box; hell I even came up with the name. They all wanted to call it Dicx. And when Trix yogurt came out they were twice as selfish, and wouldn't give me anything. Well next time, I'm takin it by force. Now lets see those kids laugh at me when they are lying on the floor beaten and bruised. THEN WHAT KIDS."  
  
Claire had stopped paying attention and when she had finally noticed he had stopped talking, she said "My, what a sad story, yes and you three, what are your names." The three elves looked at her and said in unison "We can't tell you." "Why not" Claire asked them. "If we do, we will die." "Oh come on, you will be fine." "Ok" they said hesitantly "We are Snap, Crackle, and Pop." Instantly, millions of bullets flooded the room, all hitting the elves. When it stopped, an elf crouching on the windowsill shouted, "Kebeler elf's RULE! Eat new elf fudge COOKIES!" Before anyone could react to what he said, he jumped out of the window and ran away.  
  
"Oh my, we will have to bury them before too long," Claire said. She called for security and they took the poor elves bodies away. "Now, the tiger, your next." "I'm Tony the Tiger. I work for Frosted Flakes and THEIR GREAT. NO, what am I saying they're not great. They taste terrible, and do you know why there called Frosted Flakes. It's because there frosted with Crack. It's true. And THEIR GREAT. NO, NO, No, their terrible." "Yes Mr. Tiger, she said "That is why I'm here, to help you to see that there is no crack in Frosted Flakes." "NO, It's true, and" Tony started to say until she stopped him by saying, "Listen, Mr. Tiger, we have one more person to talk to after this so please let him speak now.  
  
"Please tell us your name rooster" Claire asked him. The rooster got up, coughed a couple of time, took a deep breath, and collapsed before he could say his name. "Oh my, looks like he died on us." She walked over to him and felt for a pulse and then for a heartbeat. "Of heart failure no less." "Oh well" she said as security came in and took the rooster away.  
  
"Now time for our test" Claire said. "Children will come in here and offer you a bowl of the cereal you represent, but you must decline. Some will have more two children because of the deaths of some of our participants and one of them is blind." Then, the children started to walk in but before the children with the Lucky Charms got to Lucky, he attacked the one holding the bowl screaming at the top of his lungs "THOSE ARE MY LUCKY CHARMS, DAMN IT!" He kept on beating him, over and over, never stopping until he lay motionless. "Oh my gosh, what have I done" Lucky screamed as he started to cry uncontrollably. Then, out of the corner of his eye he saw the other kid going for the bowl of cereal they dropped. He took out a gun from inside his clothes and shouted "Oh hell no, get away from that cereal punk." "But I was just going to clean it up" the boy replied.  
  
"Lucky, what are you doing" Claire shouted. She looked to see that the blind boy and the Trix rabbit were fighting. "You, you're the reason I'm blind," the boy shouted. She also saw that Toucan Sam was dead and his child was in the corner, beaten. The weapons used to beat him were only Fruit Loops however, so he was not hurt badly. Fruit Loops were also all around Toucan Sam, signaling that he had somehow killed himself with them. Tony had run a long time ago, after he had seen the Frosted Flakes and his kid was just standing there, watching. Sunny was now smoking some cocoa puffs that he shoved into a cigarette and his kid had run for it after seeing how unstable he was. Suddenly, security came in with fire hoses and drenched everyone with water, stopping the fight.  
  
Hours later, Lucky was sent to a state prison and was sentenced for forty to fifty years. The Trix rabbit managed to escape after all of the fighting by jumping out the window and running off. Sunny was sent to an extensive rehab facility. Tony the Tiger went missing and wanted posters were put up. Toucan Sam, Snap, Crackle, and Pop, as well as the rooster all got funerals, but no one came. Claire went home and found she had a package of Frosted Flakes on her table, so she decided to eat them. When she took her first bite, she stopped, spit it out, and said, "This is frosted with crack." 


End file.
